Easing Back In

This weekend was definitely a weekend of easing back in. Friday night was the Fall Family Festival and we spent the evening together as a family. Rick surprised me by saying he was coming to spend the day with us on Saturday. Voluntarily. Uninvited. No prompting. He just wanted to come. We couldn't find a sitter Saturday night for our "date night" so we opted to watch movies and hang out at home. It was nice. It was normal. It was being a family. On Saturday I told him that Mom had called and the entire extended family was going to be getting together at Grandma's house. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go. It's great to see family... but it's family. ALOT of family. And that can be exhausting... especially for an infant. Immediately Rick asked me if I'd like him to go with me. I was quite surprised! I told him that I didn't know the date yet and he said to let him know and he'd try to be off. I told Rick that I really wasn't up for dealing with questions about "us" or getting all the hugs and sad smiles and the "we're praying for you"s. He understood and said he'd be there to help me avoid the uncomfortable conversations.

Rick brought over a movie to watch Sat night but we ended up taking a family walk around hte neighborhood, playing outside and watching stuff on TV. When I told him that I was sorry we didn't watch it he said "Well, we can watch it tomorrow. I plan on being here tomorrow, too." I can't even put into words how good it feels to have a husband who chooses to be with me. Who purposefully plans to spend time with me. Not just the kids. But with me! I'm sure many people think it's stupid and that I'm acting like a doormat... that I'm letting him do whatever he wants on his own terms. That I'm enabling him. But the truth of the matter is, I'm winning my husband over "without even speaking a word" as stated in 1 Peter. Do I have every right and am I justified to make my husband fulfill his side of the covenant or otherwise let him walk out the door? Absolutely! But I chose not to. I want him home. I want him to WANT to be home. I want to be the best wife I can be and love him like I've never loved him before... despite how he acts towards me. I used to say that I can't give 150% if he only gives 10%... but I found out that's not true. I can give 150% even if he gives me nothing in return. I made a vow to love, honor and obey him... regardless. And I take that vow very seriously. So, to others our situation might look really strange. But to me, it's an answer to prayer. It's peace knowing that I'm doing what God has told me to do. It's not taking even the tiniest things for granted and it's seeing hope in our marriage. More importantly, it's watching my husband see hope in our marriage and watching his heart grow toward home.

Sunday afternoon he came back over and we finally watched that movie. It was like we were in highschool again- sitting on the love seat together with his arm around me. The kids and I had to leave for church so I asked Rick to stay the night. I knew he had slides to prepare for work today so I suggested he go back to Tom's, get his laptop and his clothes and come back. I told him that it was an open invitation, I wouldn't ask again. And I wouldn't be upset if he didn't stay. I just knew he wanted to be there. I could feel that. And so I opened the opportunity for him. He came back over last night when we were back from church and stayed the night. It was so wonderful going to bes knowing we were all under the same roof. Feeling safe. Feeling together. Feeling complete.

Rick's not the kind of guy that will show up at the front door, bags in tow, with his arms wide open shouting, "Honey, I'm home!" For Rick, things have to be in his timing and under his control. I expect that he will move home gradually. I expect he'll pop in and out and leave a few things each time until he's completely moved back in. I expect that he will continue to take control over our marriage and our family, bit by bit and piece by piece... baby step by baby step. And I'm looking forward to it!