The Beginning

I'm sure that people are starting to think I'm crazy. Because when a marriage you've prayed for and fought for so hard for so long comes to an end, you're supposed to grieve, to mourn, to cry. You're not "supposed" to laugh and smile and dream... but that seems to be all that I can do. I'm practically giddy! If you ever told me once in the past 10 years (including any day last week) that I'd be this happy after my marriage coming to an end, I'd tell you you're a crazy liar. Isn't God AMAZING?!?! Words cannot describe the happiness... no, the JOY that I have right now. My spirit is at peace. My heart feels secure. Life seems new and exciting. I've even been flirted with!... which I consider God's own little reminder that love does not have to be lost to me forever. Rick came over to talk last night about finances, custody, all those horrible things... and he couldn't stop staring at me. He said he's never seen me so happy. I think it almost broke his heart, to be honest. But he acknowledged that he saw hope in my eyes. He could sense the peace. I was incredibly honest with him about how I feel right now. I'm sorry that our marriage came to an end. I'm sorry that he doesn't want to be my husband. I still would do anything I could do if he wanted to make the marriage work- if he wanted to love me, if he wanted to love God. But he doesn't. And so him leaving actually brings a feeling of relief. My heart is not his to break anymore. And it is my prayer that God will restore any broken pieces of my heart so that I can give it fully and wholely to a "David" of my own someday. (And I'm already 30 so I'm hoping he's on his way already! ha ha) Everyone keeps telling me that they're so sorry.. and I'm sorry too that Rick chose that path that he chose... but I haven't felt such peace and contentment as I feel in my heart right now. I haven't felt such excitement about the future. And I know that the saying "God has a plan and a purpose for everything" may sound very cliche... but it's so so so so true. I trust His plan more than ever! And I can't wait to see the picture unfold. This is just the beginning.