Messy

As I feared but prayed hard against... the divorce is getting messy. When I step back and look at what Rick's doing and the messes that he's created, I am surprised at how calm I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely frustrated and the question that keeps coming out of my mouth is "Why, why, why, why?" I don't understand how we got here. I don't understand why things have to be this way. But he's made his decisions. He's made very bad decisions. And now things are messy.

My biggest concern right now is finances, which is usually the case. I just want to be able to make the rent and pay the bills and buy some groceries. I can't do that on my salary alone and Rick is not being reliable. Not even close. But my God is. He ALWAYS is. Whether he changes the circumstances or works miracles through friends or acquaintances, He always provides. And so I trust Him. He's carried me this far. He's not dumping me now! And there's light at the end of the tunnel. I see that light. It's bright. It's beautiful. It's calming and it's exciting all at the same time. And as long as that light is shining, I know I can make it through the tunnel... no matter how long or how dark it may be.

I'm In Better Hands Now

This morning as I pulled into the church parking lot, a familiar song came on the radio... but it took on new meaning. I love how my friend Stefi says, "God has a 'now word' for us each day." That's so true!! You can read the same passage of Scripture over and over each day and God can give you a "now word" each and every time. The same holds true with music for me. Music speaks to me in ways that I cannot explain. This morning I was listening to the lyrics of "In Better Hands" by Natalie Grant and I couldn't help but cry a little. Not sad tears... grateful tears. I know that in the past when Rick has left for even a week I've fallen apart. I didn't know who I was without him. I had no identity. But they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and over the past few years Rick has given me LOTS of opportunities for me to allow God to make me stronger. And He has. I give Him ALL the credit- all the honor and glory for being able to stand on my own two feet, knowing that with God, I'm in better hands now.

IN BETTER HANDS, by Natalie Grant

It's hard to stand on shifting sand
It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night
You can't be free if you don't reach for help
You cant love if you dont love yourself
There is hope when my faith runs out
Cause I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now

I am strong all because of you
I stand in awe of every mountain that you move
Oh I am changed, yesterday is gone
I am safe from this moment on
There's no fear when the night comes 'round
I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt
I'm in better hands now