Messy

As I feared but prayed hard against... the divorce is getting messy. When I step back and look at what Rick's doing and the messes that he's created, I am surprised at how calm I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely frustrated and the question that keeps coming out of my mouth is "Why, why, why, why?" I don't understand how we got here. I don't understand why things have to be this way. But he's made his decisions. He's made very bad decisions. And now things are messy.

My biggest concern right now is finances, which is usually the case. I just want to be able to make the rent and pay the bills and buy some groceries. I can't do that on my salary alone and Rick is not being reliable. Not even close. But my God is. He ALWAYS is. Whether he changes the circumstances or works miracles through friends or acquaintances, He always provides. And so I trust Him. He's carried me this far. He's not dumping me now! And there's light at the end of the tunnel. I see that light. It's bright. It's beautiful. It's calming and it's exciting all at the same time. And as long as that light is shining, I know I can make it through the tunnel... no matter how long or how dark it may be.