Be still and know that I am God

Picture this with me, if you will... there's this little girl. She's about 3-4 years old, long brown pig tails. Absolutely adorable. She's wearing a little courderoy jumper and striped tights and her little buckle shoes. It's her birthday. In front of her is a beautiful gift bag with big red and blue stars and giant yellow balloons on it. It's a birthday present. She knows that. And she knows that it's from her daddy. However, this special gift bag is sitting on the counter top and she's so small she can barely reach her nose up over the ledge much less be tall enough to see into the bag. But with all the energy and excitement that any 3 year old has on her birthday, this little girl is determined to see what special gift awaits her. Oh, she knows that she can't open the gift but she just wants to look. So, she stretches up on her tip toes, hands gripping the counter and she begins to try to scale the cabinet. Just when she thinks that her little shoes have gripped the cabinet face securely, she pushes herself up with everything she's got... Her father walks in just in time to see her bump her nose on the counter's edge as she fails at her attempt to discover what treasure lies in the bag. With his hands on his hips, her father tells her it's not time to open the gift yet and he walks away. But the little girl just can't resist the beautiful package. She knows that her daddy loves her very much and has faith that the gift inside the bag is absolutely amazing. So again, she pushes herself up on her tip toes, this time her legs are just bouncing with energy and she looks like she could take flight at any second. She reaches out a pudgey little hand to grab the bag but instead of getting closer, her little hand accidentally pushes the bag farther away. She pushes farther up on her toes, lifting one foot off the ground so she can lean in as hard as she can, stretching her arms as far as they'll go and finally her little finger grips the corner of the package and slides it back towards her. Her little legs still bouncing she tries to steady herself on her toes so she can grab the gift with both hands... just as her father walks back in the room. With one look at the little girl her daddy smiles and says, "Be still."

BE STILL?!?!?!?!?!? ha ha That little girl is ME!!!! I love Psalm 46:10. I really do!! It has calmed my heart on more than one occassion, but being still is sooooooooo against my nature sometimes. Not physically. Physically, I love being still. Bubble baths, massages, naps, resting on a porch swing. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, I love to be still! But my heart? My heart is always like that little girl's striped tights covered legs! My heart bounces. It bounces and stretches and some days I think it could take flight and fly right out of my chest! "Be still and know that I am God." Yes, but HOW? I know God is God. But how do I know God is God without bouncing? I know God has this beautiful gift bag and inside of it is my future. It's my tomorrow. It's my afternoon. It's my ten minutes from now. I trust that He will reveal to me each special treasure that awaits for me in that bag in His own PERFECT timing... but how do I keep my legs from bouncing and my pudgey little hands from reaching? How do I hold my heart still?? Somebody has to have written a book about this!! If they haven't, I'm going to beg God to reveal the answer to me and then I'll write a book on it!! "How To Calm Your Bouncing Heart"! ha ha

Right now I wait anxiously for the next chapter of my life to begin... knowing full well that YES, I need to make the most of the chapter that I'm in now. Knowing that doesn't keep my heart from bouncing. Today I paid my attorney $1,000 to begin writing up paperwork for a divorce I never wanted. For $1,000, I want to see the next chapter. (PS, note to self: go to law school and become an attorney. It pays well!) I guess the truth is that God has given me little glimpses into the next chapter, the problem is that I always want more. I want to know how. I want to know when. I want to know who and what and where. I want details. I hurry through each day in anticipation of the next one. How do I slow down? How do I stop bouncing? How do I "be still"?

I'm the National Director for Women At Rest- Military Edition. It's my job to help women learn how to trust God in the midst of their circumstances. To share with them the way God has carried me through the storms. To relay to them the peace that I've found in my life when I have curled up in the gigantic hands of God and allowed Him to hold me while I slumber. During storms, I can rest. During times of war, I can be still. I'm not anxious with fear. I'm anxious with anticipation of the good to come! For now, my little legs are bouncing and my pudgey hands are reaching. I know God has something wonderful in store!